Stress at work wears a lot of disguises. Deadlines stack up. Change lands out of nowhere. Work spills into evenings. Managers fall short. We adapt to most of it, but one trigger cuts deeper and lingers longer: Other people.
We’ve all been there: The offhand comment that lingers, the passive-aggressive email that lands sideways, the colleague who drains energy the moment they speak.
Working with others can feel like navigating a minefield when we don’t see eye to eye with our colleagues.
We ponder: Why can’t they be more self-aware? More attuned? Better at reading the room? Why can’t they just operate the way we do (because if they did, everything would be easier).
It comes down to understanding values. It can be a game-changer if you can identify your deep-rooted values and how they affect your approach to work, change, conflict and decision-making. It’s also a game-changer when you understand how a colleague’s values differ from yours and crucially, when you can both accept that neither is right or wrong.
In turn, our values affect our communication styles. Someone who values decisiveness, assertive action and clear-cut action plans may appear overly direct or unnecessarily impatient to a colleague who values consultation, feedback and consensus. Recognize anyone here?
In the language of Insights Discovery color energies, our values, communication styles and stress triggers are described in terms of color energy.
This four-color model helps teams identify why people behave differently and where they can tune in to their hidden similarities. It helps leaders, teams and individuals to become more self-aware (and other-aware) to realize why some relationships at work feel so much easier than others.
Stress triggers among teams is a fascinating topic; it can feel like such a nuanced thing. The memorable Insights model can help us get to the heart of these nuances and understand how to navigate differences and improve our conversations in a less judgmental way. So, let’s dig in.
What one person might find at work to be a threat to their comfortable status quo, another will see as a welcome challenge. It will always be thus! When we feel stressed by a colleague’s ‘opposite’ communication style or we feel that we can’t make ourselves understood (or even heard), we might withdraw and become uncooperative, or become more insistent or irate.
To help us understand this (and to celebrate how we happily resonate with certain colleagues, too), Insights Discovery describes four main personality types in terms of color energy.
While all of us possess a mix of these four energies, one or two typically dominate, influencing how we work, communicate and make decisions. The Thinking and Feeling functions, based on Carl Jung's psychology, help us understand what is steering our ‘default’ approach: analysis-focused or human emotion-focused?
Once we understand how we’re different to our team members and what’s behind this, our empathy for others’ behavior can increase. We realize that our colleagues are not being (for example) deliberately argumentative, or slow or stubborn. That’s simply how we’re perceiving them because they approach things in a different way, and that can feel uncomfortable for us.
Once familiar with the descriptions above, it becomes clearer why we might feel irritated, challenged or drained by other people’s behavior.
Take an everyday group meeting, where significant new information is being shared and important decisions are required. The quality of collaboration is bound to be affected not only by how the meeting is being led (i.e. by which personality type and communication style), but by how the participants each prefer to receive and process information. If there is zero awareness of either of these influential factors, individual and team comfort levels may be lower and the outcomes far less satisfying.
Why? Because we often make the mistake of having expectations and assumptions about what ‘should’ happen based purely on our own values, with no regard for others’ preferences.
With more awareness and the right preparation, we can recognize our team members’ preferred communication style, motivations and potential friction points before a meeting starts. (There are now also digital tools that can support with nudges about preferences, and real-time guidance and feedback.)
Fiery Red is leading the meeting. They have powerful news to share; they want to get to the point, hear any major objections voiced assertively and clearly (and with clear alternative solutions) and to get agreement within 45 minutes on a firm way forward.
This might work smoothly if all participants lead with the same Fiery Red energy. But if there’s a mix of color energies in the room, they’ll need a more blended approach.
Potential sticking point for Cool Blue: While sharing Fiery Red’s desire for efficiency and clarity, they want more details on the new info, and more logical reasoning before making any big decisions.
Stress trigger: In this example, Cool Blue is irritated by Fiery Red’s pacy, top-line, detail-scarce approach to a serious matter that needs everyone’s careful thought. Cool Blue would have preferred a written outline to enable them to bring questions and offer a more considered analysis of what needs to happen next. Instead, Fiery Red is pressing them on the spot, in front of everyone, without enough detail, to make a decision.
Values difference: Cool Blue values thoroughness, accuracy and logic, feels that Fiery Red hasn’t shared enough of these, and would have preferred a slightly longer meeting.
Fiery Red values brevity, pace and momentum and is frustrated by Cool Blue appearing to slow things down by being 'pedantic'. Cool Blue feels indignant that Fiery Red has made them seem overly pedantic or obstructive in front of the group when, in their eyes, they brought sensible, logical, efficient problem-solving approach to the meeting.
Mentally exhausting scenarios like these can be avoided! Whatever their color energy is, as well as prepping a little more, the meeting leader will gain better buy-in if they state their intention to provide a slice of what each type needs (not necessarily in those words).
Sunshine Yellow is leading the meeting. Their focus is on celebrating the positives of the new info and exploring the most creative ways forward to allow the project to progress. Their enthusiasm is energising for some colleagues, but their desire to share anecdotes and stories along the way to increase buy-in and bring alive the possibilities, may slow things down and frustrate those who want to get to the detailed practicalities and the ‘what next’.
Stress trigger: Fiery Red and Cool Blue are uneasy with the tangents and the time slipping away without a practical decision, and Earth Green is itching to consult the room about whether the changes feel workable for the whole team at all.
Values difference: Fiery Red and Cool Blue value accuracy and outcomes. They appreciate a clear, well-defined pathway, as they are action-oriented in their own way. Not to say that Sunshine Yellow doesn't also value these things, but someone who leads with Sunshine Yellow will often build in time for socialising and sharing ideas (tested or untested) before the direction is set.
These are over-simplified examples, but the principle is clear – awareness of personality types and stress triggers and empathetic preparation can make a powerful difference to the quality of collaboration, the enthusiasm of the team to act on the new information or proposals, and, as a result, the eventual business outcome.
It’s never a good feeling when you reflect on a high-stress conversation and aren’t proud of how you handled it. We sometimes can’t stop ourselves in the moment, allowing our ‘default’ reactions and behavioral tendencies to leap into play. It pays to be able to articulate our own stress triggers, and to prepare for high-stakes conversations by identifying the personality type (colour energy) of your colleague (as well as your own) in order to reduce stress triggers, appeal to their probable motivations and prevent disruptive friction from escalating.
When we become mindful of what can cause stress for others as well as ourselves, we advance quicker to better conversation outcomes and, ultimately, better business outcomes.
Insights Discovery is an L&D training system that creates high-performing teams by enhancing awareness and workplace relationships. Using a memorable four-color model to illustrate different behavioral styles, it creates a common language that connects colleagues across geographical and cultural boundaries, fostering collaboration, driving productivity and transforming workplaces.