Friction at work is largely caused by how we communicate
For example, do you ever feel like you’re being talked at, not talked with? How does it make you feel? Angry? Hurt? Is it all down to the message you receive, or does the fault lie in how that message is delivered?
When we’re at the receiving end of an instruction or a piece of news that’s delivered bluntly or without thought, it can make our hackles rise.
And what about when you’re the one delivering the message?
You might be deliberately forthright with your listener because a) you fear contradiction, b) you’re in a hurry, or c) you're trying to be honest.
But often, it’s a simple lack of awareness of how your words sound, and it’s easy to forget about the impact you may have on the receiver.
Think about how you might communicate with employees about a major change.
The introduction of new work patterns or team structures may well seem a positive move, but when they’re imposed with insufficient explanation, rationale, involvement or clarity about the likely impact, they may not be received that way by others.
Why? Because most people like to have agency over their situation.
If you haven’t involved people in all aspects of the change right from the start, or asked for and acted on their input, they may well resist and refuse to cooperate with your unreasonable ‘demands’ (as they see it).
So, what might start out as a well-intended communication exercise can easily descend into a minefield of resentment and grievance if it’s not handled appropriately.
Take the change scenario above. We may have planned to the nth degree how the message will be communicated and to whom (email, meeting or newsletter, for example), and scheduled precisely the rollout of each stage. But have we thought about the impact the change or disruption might have on those involved?
Of course, we need to put in place regular comms about the what, why and when (the ‘telling’ part), but there’ll be more buy-in to the change among employees if they’re invited to ask questions, raise concerns and offer their input. Especially as they’re the very same people you need to fully engage and bring on board to help make the change happen smoothly and effectively.
A comparison…
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Telling might sound like… |
Consulting might sound like… |
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We need to streamline your department, maybe even make some cuts. I understand it may feel stressful but I’ll let you know what we decide. |
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As time’s gone on and our team has expanded, we’ve outgrown our process and need to revamp some of our systems to help us all perform better.
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When leading a team of different personalities all motivated by different values, it’s important to recognise how both your company-wide and more localised communication efforts might land, and whether you can improve how you talk to people as well as what you’re saying.
If you’ve consulted with, rather than told, your employees what’s coming, there should be no real surprises for them when communicating your decisions.
But it helps to be aware of your own communication style and that of the people you’re giving the message to, and a little preparation can go a long way to smoothing out the whole process.
So, looking at our change example again, we need to remember that:
Jung’s Thinking and Feeling personality traits play an important role in how we communicate.
As we touched on above, when delivering important information to an individual or group, it may help to know whether the individuals receiving your message lead with a Thinking or a Feeling preference so you can be prepared for their reaction.
And if you know whether you lead with a Thinking or Feeling preference, you can adapt your style accordingly.
Let’s look more closely at Thinking and Feeling personality preferences and how they might affect important conversations at work.
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Someone who leads with a Thinking preference… |
Someone who leads with a Feeling preference… |
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Leads with facts and key data |
Leads with feelings and values |
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Is logical and reasonable |
Engages on a personal level |
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Stays focused on the outcome |
Prioritises the impact on people |
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Seeks clear and measurable results |
Appreciates others’ emotions and values |
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Stays objective and factual |
Is friendly and compassionate |
The two types aren’t mutually exclusive, and no type is right or wrong. But if you lead with a different preference from the people you’re communicating with, you could face a variety of unforeseen challenges. It pays to understand why.
In the Insights Discovery four-colour model, those who lead with Cool Blue and Fiery Red energies tend to favour the Thinking approach, whereas people with Sunshine Yellow and Earth Green energies tend to favour Feeling.
Important note: Always be respectful, open and honest when delivering important news, no matter what someone’s preferences!
Here are a few more tips you might want to bear in mind:
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Cool Blue Someone who leads with Cool Blue energy may welcome the opportunity to gather and review all the data and come up with their own conclusions. They can then compare those conclusions to what you are suggesting, so you can both move forward once you’ve agreed on the right course of action. Be prepared to answer a lot of questions on the details.
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Fiery Red Someone who leads with Fiery Red energy may need to feel in control and that they’re playing a part in directing events. Involve them in the plan, keep them fully informed at every stage and give them a role where they can oversee what’s happening. Be straightforward and transparent and back up your words with rapid actions. |
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Earth Green Someone who leads with Earth Green energy may be more emotionally affected by major change than others. Ask for their help in gathering meaningful data on the impact of different paths. Factor the results into your decision-making and let them know how they and their colleagues might be impacted. Show empathy and listen carefully to their concerns.
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Sunshine Yellow Someone who leads with Sunshine Yellow energy may want to feel involved in the change plan and be keen to know how it will affect them in the future. Show them an overview of what the changes will involve. Ask for their opinion and give them an opportunity to openly express their views. Encourage them to present their own ideas.
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As individuals we typically lead with one or two of the colour energies as our preferred way of behaving, but it’s important that we understand which approach might be more useful, or even suitable, in certain situations. Though our preferences are usually also our strengths, even our strengths can hold us back if we lean too heavily on one side.
When communicating major (and possibly unsettling) change, we therefore need to respect and use all four colour energies. We must recognise the potentially negative impact of leading with one style over all others. And for optimal communication, all colour energies should be taken into account.
Taking this new approach to communicating might feel counter-intuitive at first, but learning to communicate using your opposite colour energy or energies is a powerful tool in managing workplace relationships. It may feel like a step too far to adopt a different communication style, but the results – more awareness, tolerance, understanding and cohesion – make it a skill worth developing.
Our aim here is to create greater awareness of what influences the instinctive way we communicate, what lies behind our choices, and to provide reassurance that all ‘types’ can adopt all styles if they know how.
For example, if you lead with Cool Blue or Fiery Red (Thinking) and need to communicate about change with colleagues who lead with Earth Green or Sunshine Yellow (Feeling), it helps to:
If you lead with Sunshine Yellow or Earth Green (Feeling) and need to communicate about change with colleagues who lead with Cool Blue or Fiery Red (Thinking), it helps to:
Being able to deliver important messages effectively is key to smoother workplace communication, and understanding the difference between telling and consulting is a forgotten art that needs more attention in organisations. The good news for leaders is that with a bit of application, it’s a valuable skill that can be learned.
The people you work with may well spend their daily working lives with a very different perspective to yours, meaning they’re energised or drained by different scenarios.
Your role as a leader, team leader and communicator, therefore, is to recognise this, and your job will be more manageable if you understand their behavioural preferences before delivering your message.
Reflect on what questions your colleagues are likely to ask, what they’ll feel most stressed about and what will help them more readily accept, and even embrace, the proposed change.
Give people the opportunity to absorb and reflect on what you’ve told them and allow them to express their concerns freely and in a safe space. Listen to what they’re telling you and take it on board. You never know – they may even have some ideas that haven’t occurred to you that you can incorporate into your company strategy.
At Insights, we champion change by focusing on what matters most: your people. The success of change initiatives relies on your team’s adaptability and how effectively they’re supported through different stages of change like change resistance, acceptance and moving forward. Thriving Through Change teaches organisations how to foster a culture empathy and open communication, so that employees feel ready to embrace change naturally and intuitively.