Working with your opposite type can feel difficult, but learning to adapt in the moment will create better outcomes
Getting along with colleagues can make the difference between a highly engaged team vs. a borderline performance team with low discretionary effort. As professionals, we each have a responsibility to make these collegial relationships work, empowering the collaboration needed to fulfil daily/quarterly performance expectations.
But it’s not easy when you feel you’re hitting a brick wall when working with certain colleagues.
Perhaps you find them aloof or inattentive? Or too friendly to the point of ingratiating? At Insights, it’s literally our business to help opposite types work together, regardless of how opinionated those opposites may be.
The opening scenario:
It’s an all-too-familiar situation, where we sit silently seething at work when what should be a straightforward conversation about everyday projects feels stressful, chaotic or just full of holes.
We know we shouldn’t outwardly express impatience and annoyance – it’s not good for team harmony and dynamics (maybe someone’s having an off day and just can’t give us what we need) - but sometimes our frustration gets the better of us…
Working with different personalities is a real and challenging reality of working life, but there are ways to stop it feeling like an endless battle.
If you consistently feel that you can’t make yourself understood by another human, whether it’s by email, informal messaging system or face-to-face, the situation calls for you to get to grips with personality styles that are nothing like yours.
How well do you really know yourself?
Sometimes we need to dial up the self- awareness –how am I coming across to this person? - and then adapt that style to communicate in a way that works for them.
Maddening interactions don’t always mean your co-workers have something against you. It’s simply that their preferred working and communicating style doesn’t chime with yours. Mostly likely, they different personal values or immediate goals.
And because it doesn’t suit your style, you may draw negative conclusions and make all sorts of judgments about them (and they’re probably doing the same to you!)
With awareness, we begin to appreciate that, more often than not, most of us in the workplace are just trying to do a good job and support others in the way that’s most meaningful to us. The trick is to support people in the way that’s most meaningful to them.
Who’s being the ‘difficult’ one?
We can’t force others to behave differently just because we don’t like how they operate, but we can make a difference by understanding their values and motivations and adjusting our behavior to make better connections.
There’s room here to create a different dynamic with difficult colleagues.
Most of your team probably aren’t aware of their impact during daily interactions. It depends how vocal and direct you’ve been with them.
Either way, you can help the situation by understanding your own reactions more closely. If you allow yourself to be constantly offended by their ways of working, you’ll find it hard to move past the current jarring dynamic.
We often pass judgement on others’ actions and opinions without knowing the full story. Over time, these judgements get codified into stories that we tell ourselves about colleagues in our own heads. These narratives then shape our future interactions with them. Bad team culture and interpersonal relationships are really, really hard to overcome.
-Hunter Gehlbach, Educational Psychologist, Johns Hopkins
How to identify and adapt to opposite types on the Insight Discovery color wheel
Insights uses the language of color energies to describe different psychology-base personality traits.
When we refer to ‘opposite types’ we refer to the color that is opposite to your leading color energy on the Insight Discovery model color wheel.
- Cool Blue → opposite to Sunshine Yellow
- Fiery Red → opposite to Earth Green
35 years of research and observation has taught us that, most frequently, interpersonal misunderstandings are between people who lead with opposite color energies.
But there is much to be learned from our opposite color energy.
This is the part of personality that Jung referred to as our shadow selves. It refers to personality traits that we may be not consciously relate to, and make us feel most uncomfortable.
Ironically, making peace with our opposite color energy – in addition to colleagues who lead with it – opens us up to developmental breakthroughs, new opportunities and a whole new perspective of ourselves and our place in the world.
Leaning into different color energies to improve workplace relationships means developing our emotional intelligence, and this can have an incredible impact on team dynamics and better work outcomes, which is why we encourage entire teams to make the effort.
Everyone can learn something from understanding ourselves and our colleagues better, and interpreting everyday challenges through a different lens.
How the four main color energies affect how we communicate and react
Let’s look at how the four main Insights Discovery color energy types can affect how we operate, communicate and react to different types of colleagues, starting with Cool Blue and its opposite, Sunshine Yellow...
| Cool Blue: “Don’t shortchange me!” |
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Detail-hungry, orderly Cool Blue needs – or thinks they need – to do a 100% accurate job 100% of the time. These analytical, exacting colleagues can feel shortchanged by less detailed, less focused colleagues. Why, they ask, is it so hard for someone to read an email properly and answer each question in full? Cool Blue strives to make a positive difference in the world by ensuring they make the best, most accurate decisions using all the data available to them. To others though, people who lead with Cool Blue may seem painstaking with their insistence on order, planning, pre-empting and over-long and possibly over-curt emails. Too many questions! Keep in mind: Cool Blue is more likely to micro-manage if you skimp on context and detail. Acknowledge their love of precision, and if you want to proceed with less detail and fewer questions, make a logical case for it. Communication tip: When asking Cool Blue to make a decision, give them lots of info beforehand and time to process it. “Please take some time to review this info, and let us know how you feel tomorrow by 11am” instead of “We need to make a decision immediately” *It’s important to remember that everyone is mix of all four color energies, and are capable of dialing up Cool Blue personality traits like accuracy and detailed planning. |
| Sunshine Yellow: “Let’s get creative about this!” |
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In contrast, colleagues who lead with creative, informal, collaborative Sunshine Yellow energy are less likely to mind a healthy dose of chaos or spontaneity. They’re also the most likely type of colleague to feel restricted by a Cool Blue approach. Sticking to process or keeping their written interactions in strict order may not be as important as other considerations. In-person conversations, creative tangents, spontaneous brainstorms and broad blue-sky thinking are important as they keep ideas moving and growing. Deadlines might not be the top concern if a project calls for creativity and innovation above all else. Gathering diverse minds– possibly from different parts of the organization – is key for bigger-picture Sunshine Yellow. They probably won’t feel the need to tightly ‘contain’ all the contributions either. Collaboration is key, after all. Sunshine Yellow strives to make a positive difference in the world by ensuring all views are considered, cheering on the good ideas around them and often working for the success of the entire team. Their way of honoring you is to ensure you’ve had the chance to present your views and have been properly heard. To Cool Blue, their ideas and actions may come across as unrealistic, disruptive or over-indulgent when there are clear criteria and timelines to be met. Meetings led by rebellious Sunshine Yellow personalities may be dominated by interruptions and seemingly never-ending possibilities to be explored. As a result, Cool Blue may fear they’ll be the ones charged with pulling all the wayward strands into a structured plan when the chaos settles! Keep in mind: Sunshine Yellow values engagement and may feel constrained by too many rules. Weave in the collaborative. In more serious matters, keep the focus on sharing ideas and moving forward. Avoid dictating or being too restrictive. Communication tip: Proactively involve them in decision-making for better buy-in, and don’t assume their enthusiasm for hearing an idea means agreement. *It’s important to remember that everyone is mix of all four color energies, and are capable of dialing up Sunshine Yellow personality traits like collaboration and persuasion. |
On the other two sides of the color wheel, we have opposites Fiery Red and Earth Green...
| Fiery Red: “Get to the point please” |
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Nothing irritates Fiery Red colleagues more than meandering round a topic unnecessarily when they’ve got a jammed to-do list. They often want the quickest route to clarity and best outcomes, focusing on the vision, goals, roles and results. The detail can come later. But their occasional lack of patience for long missives or whole-team consultations often sees them labelled by others as impatient, dismissive, confrontational or too direct (especially by colleagues who lead with Earth Green). Fiery Red colleagues know that their competitiveness might not be for everyone, but it keeps them driven and focused on success. The challenge here is to deliver success in a way that doesn’t over-control or alienate others. They lead with Thinking energy, which means that logical Cool Blue will appreciate their sharp focus, but feeling energies like Earth Green and Sunshine Yellow may bristle on occasion. Fiery Red is a loyal team member who’s way of honoring you is to save you time and get you the quick result you need. Happy to rally the troops or go it alone if that’s what it takes. Most important is that they don’t let you down. Fiery Red values directness and doesn’t flinch from conflict. Brevity is queen. If you feel the need to communicate lots of detail or involve more people, link this clearly to results and outcomes. Communicating tip: Be bright. Be brief. Be gone.
*It’s important to remember that everyone is mix of all four color energies, and are capable of dialing up Fiery Red’s personality traits like loyalty, action-focus and quick analysis. |
| Earth Green: “You’re not being fair” |
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Colleagues who lead with egalitarian Earth Green want things to be fair. Humanity is paramount. They value being consulted, giving and receiving meaningful feedback and nurturing colleagues to get the best results. You won’t find them cheerleading only the most senior colleagues, ignoring the views of more junior team members or dismissing the reality of what’s happening on the shop floor. No room for egos, posturing and unnecessary conflict here, this is about people feeling valued for their input. They lead with ‘Feeling’ energy (like Sunshine Yellow) and will campaign hard for fair treatment of overlooked colleagues. Their need to ensure that everyone is heard can mean they can sometimes be perceived as slow or indecisive, unwilling to sign off decisions quickly if there are gaps in collaboration. Fiery Red, in particular, may view their consultative approach as lacking awareness of what it takes to keep business moving. Earth Green may dismiss this as insensitive and neglecting team harmony. Earth Green’s way of honouring you is to ensure your views are not only heard, but integrated. They will also take the time to think things through from your perspective, and do what they can within their power to meet your needs. When Earth Green sees you, they really see you. Keep in mind: Give credit where it’s due and allow all voices to be heard. Earth Green is not a fan of confrontation, so if they perceive unkind behavior, expect a stubborn response and withdrawal. Communication tip: If trying to achieve buy in for project, tie it to the values driving the organization and show that you’ve considered the impact of the project on the people it affects. *It’s important to remember that everyone is mix of all four color energies, and are capable of dialing up Earth Green’s personality traits like patience, purpose-driven consideration and respect for others’ ideas. |
Replace judgement with emotional intelligence
With better self-awareness, and with awareness of what might be motivating others, we can dial up or down how we use certain color energies in challenging workplace relationships.
Through a programme like Insights Discovery, we get to know our blind spots as well as our strengths. We learn about personality preferences on a much deeper level. We also discover how we’re perceived in other people’s eyes.
With awareness, we begin to appreciate that, more often than not, most of us in the workplace are just trying to do a good job and support others in the way that’s most meaningful to us. The trick is to support people in the way that’s most meaningful to them.
As we get more skilled at it, we make fewer inaccurate assumptions about people and start to value the traits they show. We might discover that our irritating colleagues is in fact ‘decisive’, ‘creative’, ‘conscientious’ and ‘compassionate’.
We can begin to welcome these qualities and value their place on the team, and in meeting the organization’s wider goals.
Insights Discovery is an L&D training system that creates high-performing teams by enhancing awareness and workplace relationships. Using a memorable four-color model to illustrate different behavioral styles, it creates a common language that connects colleagues across geographical and cultural boundaries, fostering collaboration, driving productivity and transforming workplaces.
